My Inevitably Predetermined & Ineluctable Journey

Last Page of Chaos

2008-12-19T16:03:00.000-08:00

Ive been avoiding..
this very last part
which i know I had a bad start
bad process,
tragic for the rest..

How am I suppose to face?
with me having this kind of pace..
I can no longer race,
as Im already lost in this maze..

Will my very last page be a chaos?
being defeated completely by this evil force?!
or will I be able to bounce back?
and have the slimmest chance to fight back?

My mind is totally blank..
knowing that there is abundant to tank..
will my stronghold fall?
and let this be my final call?

Things had not been going well,
Im sure everyone can tell..
Everything is out of plan,
leading me to this darkened den..

oh LORD,
I pray my thoughts,
to u day and night,
hoping for the dimmest light,
to make things right,
and give me strength to fight,
with all my might..

WRITE OUT !!

SAM...will never be forgotten

2008-11-16T04:25:00.000-08:00

Hey my fellow SAM mates....

Sure gonna miss u guys... come to think of it, i did have great fun with u guys. As the countdown to tuesday diminishes, the anticipation in me increases... Will life after SAM be fun?? Will it be even better?? Or will it be worse?? Well... the possibilities are infinite... Well, clearly in my opinion, i have already had so much fun that the level of excitement is already at the peak that i figured whatever happens after this has to go down...

However, even if i come back to inti to pursue a degree, Im sure it wouldnt be any bit fun without u guys... SAM CLAN... I love ull... Thanks. The experiences u brought to me during SAM is one that really parallels no other... Thanks guys.... Im sorry if i had hurt any of u guys in any way which i am unaware of... U noe i really don't mean to ryt?? Nwayz... load of thanks again...

SAM CLAN member of 08 forever !!!

p/s: Not written by me... written by bear 08...

Farewell SAM

2008-11-14T11:30:00.000-08:00

I had a wonderful day today.. One of my best days in college.. Well, might oso be one of e saddest day of the year.. Its SAM farewell today.. Gosh im gonna miss u guys though v dunno spend much time together.. but that bond is dere somehow.. Me Vinay Eldwin the other guys was suppose to play futsal.. Unfortunately, we went to three places n its all closed !! wtf?! We ended just having lunch n went back.. lols.. wut a morning =]

Wuts next??

Farewell party !! had songs, food, music n lecturers plus frens !! it was a damn nice party with mixed feelings.. I dint know how to feel at that time =\
I left early for the farewell n went back for a nap.. had supper with most of them after that.. they were so loud so loud at al-salam.. omg...though v all enjoyed ourselves.. most importantly rite??
after the supper me n Vinay hanged out wit beers nearby talking bout our lives in INTI.. had a wonderful time talking with him...

They are all going to Malacca tomorrow but me staying back.. haih.. stupid accounts paper !!
Enjoy urselfs guys...

Good luck to all the SAM clan..
U all rock, U all rule..
Thx for this wonderful year..
All the best !!

Missing You

2008-11-13T12:04:00.000-08:00

Inside that cold crisp night
I run and run
with my breath all the way up to my chin
I want to completely forget everything about her
I make my mind blank
As usual
I am missing you
Even if the sharp stars scratch me
The moonlight is shining down

The white heart inside of me
is tired from the sorrowfulness
I cry out a blue cry
The white moon way up in the sky
I cant grab it and can only watch the wind blow

I am missing you
Even though the moonlight
is seducing me
There is nothing in the end of the moon
Except to long for something
The vision of you embedded inside in my heart
I am going crazy,
I dunno what to do..
Like a fool,
I am still waiting for you..

PITCH BLACK

2008-11-13T10:21:00.000-08:00

Suddenly my whole heart is sinking..
I miss my family..
What has happened?
Why has things turned out this way..
This emptiness I feel..
This loneliness I have..
Things dun seem right..
Things aren't in order..
Things isn't how it seemed to be..

Tears flowing out from my heart..
That piercing pain through it..
Feels as if I am dying..
I am so restless,
so out of strength,
so out of courage,
so out of faith,
so alone in that pitch black night..

I used to love the darkness that surrounds me,
because I alwehz know there will be brightness shining
whenever I need it to..
But,
now where is that beam of light?
Why is it no longer shining?
Has it forgotten that in times of my darkest moments
I need it to bright up my path?
I cant see the road ahead against me..
I cant see where am I heading to..
I see nothing but
NOTHING..

Cold and left alone..
NOTHING to hope for..
NOTHING to pray for..
NOTHING to shelter from..
NOTHING and still NOTHING..
NOTHING but NOTHING..

I Forgot When It Started & When It's Going To End

2008-11-13T09:26:00.000-08:00

I forget when it started
I don't know why I'm like this
A day seems so long and doesn't seem to have an end
How does another morning come?
I don't know

I can't do anything while not doing anything
I look at the slow time
Where are you?
What are you doing?
Because I only think of one person

I shouldn't be doing this, I know
I know that I can't love you
My confession will make you go through more pain
I know, I know

Even though I knew
I can't do anything
I can only think of you
If I close my two eyes or open them again
I can only think of one person

The memory I can't erase for one second
even today
I just think of you
and only you..

When is it going to end?

Lost & Found Vows

2008-11-12T07:33:00.000-08:00

I have finally found
who can really fit the crown..
But I really dunno
whether i should let her know..
Besides,
should I really let down my pride
and confess
that I don't want to be like the rest..
Deep within me
its very much clear enough for me to see
that things will not work out
so should I just sulk?

That long blond hair
That soothing voice
That fair appearance
That gentle soul
That kind heart
That irresistible smile
That mysterious thinking
That beautiful pair of eye
Everything of her seems so perfect..
Longing for that gentle touch of hers,
it would definitely break me into tears..

Knowing that impossible crawls around me so often..
Knowing that loneliness is alwehz hanging by the door..
Knowing that happiness never seemed to like me..
Guess it will just be another thought of mine to be kept soundly..
Guess its just another miracle in the making..

Questions, questions & still questions !!

I would thrust my way through any obstacle to protect her..
Throw in my single heart to fulfill her every wish..
Giving out all I have left of me to love her in every way..
Spreading my care for her to every single corner in her heart..
Burning myself in place of her miseries..
Stabbing my heart for her heartaches..
Being under the rain for her when she cries..
I would do ANYTHING for her to achieve fullest happiness..

Hoping with every last wish
that I could be the ONE..
I would LOVE you with all my heart..

Foreseen Love

2008-11-11T07:17:00.000-08:00

When did you start becoming weary of me?
What burdens did I give you?
You no longer say anything..
With you,
Ive become unable to ask now..

Without the usual grumbling,
still smiling that perfect smile..
Even the usual affection has gone,
not even once
still smiling that perfect smile,
to cover the misery
from your eyes..
Maybe its my unintentional foolishness

I am sorry,
My LOVE..
Seeing you turn your back away from me,
LOVE leaving me..
Even though now
you are still with me,
but
I am already able to see
the MOMENT that you will leave me..
I wouldn't know..
I wonder if you ever did loved me deeply..

If you are coming back
No,
even if once more you will smile at me,
I cant support your heart
that is alone..
Maybe its because of my PRIDE..

I am sorry,
My LOVE..
Seeing you slowly
turning cold towards me,
I know I am helpless,
with the MOMENT of you leaving me looming..

In the name of LOVE
that slowly changes like colors,
My LOVE I once had
has left me
and I don't know

Even saying words of apology
I am sorry but....
What should I say?
What should I do?
Even breathing has become difficult..
I am still wandering in past times..

At this MOMENT,
I really am helpless

I am sorry,
My LOVE..

I am already able to see
the MOMENT that you will leave me..

Reflection In That Mirror

2008-11-10T04:36:00.000-08:00

Once again today,
I pull my broken heart,
I stand in front of the MIRROR
and look at myself..

The appearance in front of me,
the saddest appearance in the world..
Every time I try to forget,
I just cant help but think bout it again..
I wonder if uve become tired,
even just the littlest bit..

Follow me,
dont miss a single thing about me..
Like a MIRROR,
cant that person follow me?
Just enough to fulfill
the LOVE I gave her

Oh HEART,
I am so SORRY,
I know all your wanting is some LOVING..
But all I am giving you is just heartache..

Oh HEART,
I am so SORRY,
I want to be together with her..
But I am the only one having a parting..

Like an echo I am standing one,
two steps in the back..
Even if I tell u I LOVE you
thousands of times,
we part
with the simplest words of telling me to FORGET you

I try to say your bad,
I am going to erase you,
I try to hold a grudge against you,
But everytime i do,
my HEART dies even more..
I will just wait for you
to come back to me
one of these days..

As I look at the reflection of myself in the MIRROR,
I never realized how much I am like you..
Theres no difference between us in my eyes..
Your the only one in my HEART,
your the only one that shines..

What am I to do?
this time its really over..
I pout and cry and try to hold on..
No matter what I long for now its no use,
I am going to believe that I'll be able to smile again,
with the tears in my heart falling..

Even though time is going by,
its only making the scars worse..

Oh HEART,
I am so SORRY,
If your able to find another LOVE,
you'd probably be able to forget this pain..

Oh HEART,
I am so SORRY,
I want to tell you that LOVE is FOREVER..
But reality is telling you of a parting..
You might call it an attachment ,
But I am still LONGING for it..

LONGING for it.....

Just Like The First Impression, The First Sight..

2008-11-09T03:02:00.000-08:00

I am walking a different pathway,
but you did not even say a word,
feeling like your too tired cuz of waiting,
I already know..

You still want to continue this journey,
but you cannot hope for anything,
as that heart has slowly becoming cold,
I am frightened..

Yesterday,
when I saw u,
I turned myself away,
so forget me please..

If I LOVE you
I wont say these words to you,
instead I will only treat u colder,
n you know it..

Today,
I am keeping my distance from you,
so forget the times we had each other please..
I really cant utter those words towards you anymore,
the words,
I LOVE you ,
like the FIRST IMPRESSION we had before..

Today,
I am keeping my distance from you,
trusting my lonesome self,
that those words that I can never utter to u anymore,
is,
I LOVE you,
like the FIRST IMPRESSION we had before..

The FIRST SIGHT of LOVE..

My Simple Words Of Vow To You My Lurve..

2008-11-08T14:39:00.000-08:00

Love~ oh baby my gurl..
U are my EVERYTHING..
My dazzlingly beautiful BRIDE,
you are a gift from god..
We'll be very happy,
Your black eyes well up with tears,
even if your black mesmerizing hair turns white..
My LOVE,
I SWEAR I LOVE you..

Saying I LOVE you EVERYDAY in my life,
is what i want to do the most..
WOULD YOU MARRY ME?
I want to LOVE you, TREASURE you and live with you..
I want you to lean on my shoulders,
each time u sleep..
WOULD YOU MARRY ME?
With this heart of mine, will you accept me?

To accompany you for the whole LIFETIME,
I DO..
To LOVE you,
I DO..
Regardless of snow or rain,
I will b dere to PROTECT u,
I DO..
Let me be the one to PROTECT u,
my LOVE..

You wearing the white bridal gown,
me wearing the suit,
both of us walking in SYNC,
towards the stars n moon..

I SWEAR,
no lies no suspicion..
My dearest PRINCESS stay with me..

Even if v are becoming older,
we will still smile n live on..
WOULD YOU MARRY ME?

Are u willing to live the rest of your LIFE wit me?
No matter how weary or tired v are,
I DO..
I will ALWEHZ be by ur side,
I DO..
The days when v will spend TOGETHER,
I DO..
EVERYDAY my heart will b thankful,
my LOVE..

I have prepared this for u,
please take this shiny ring in my hand..
Just like the mood today,
remember the PROMISE that we're making now..
WOULD YOU MARRY ME?

To accompany you for the whole LIFETIME,
I DO..
To LOVE you,
I DO..
Regardless of snow or rain,
I will b dere to PROTECT u,
I DO..
Let me be the one to protect u,
my LOVE..

The only thing that i can give u is LOVE,
although it's INSIGNIFICANT,
even though dere are areas which i lack,
I will PROTECT the LOVE between us,
ME & YOU..

But lets make a PROMISE,
no matter what happens we will still be in LOVE,
and EVEN SO..

Wher R You ??
my lurve..

My Last Piece Of Art

2008-10-29T15:30:00.000-07:00

Everyday ive been living in DARKNESS,
watching every sun rise of each day,
feeling nothing but loneliness EMPTINESS,
as though e skies above me is alwehz just GREY..

I feel like LAUGHING and SMILING,
just to cover up my shattering TEARS,
finally my head is nodding,
admitting that I'm also afraid of e DARK'S..

All I BEG for,
is just to borrow a little more TIME,
but all is TORE,
when I don't even get any SYMPATHY..

I feel like CRYING,
just to testify whether I'm already NUMB,
out of everyone out dere LIVING,
guess I'm e onli one this RESTLESS n DUMB..

Never mind,
I can just hope that SADNESS is just to drop by for a while,
n wish that all e BROKEN n IGNORANT dreams,
can just leave me ALONE..

E GREY sky above me,
will it allow me to FORGET about,
all these HAPPENINGS..

E night is getting DARKER,
DREAMS are getting further,
its so hard to even MEMORY it anymore..

I'm so tired n EXHAUSTED,
should i rest?
my single SHADOW,
is LONESOMELY pouring down against my wall,
NOBODY being dere for me..

MY WORLD is shattering into pieces anytime..
Maybe emptiness is just another PIECE OF ART..

Rainbow tree

2008-10-13T22:17:00.000-07:00

As we grow up,
we learn that even the one person
that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will
You will have your heart broken probably more than once
and it's harder every time
You'll break hearts too,
so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend
You'll blame a new love
for things an old one did
You'll cry because time is passing too fast,
and you'll eventually lose someone you love
So take too many pictures,
laugh too much,
and love like you've never been hurt
because every sixty seconds you spend upset
is a minute of happiness you'll never get back
Don't be afraid that your life will end,
be afraid that it will never begin

A day at kl =]

2008-10-12T03:17:00.000-07:00

A very last minute decision to follow my frens to KL.. Several nights without sleep during exam week n now woootss.. Goin out excitedly bt yet quite tired... hmm.. Am i goin to faint?! xD
A day wit full excitement n pictass awaitsss..
Letss GO !!

bluehhkss~~ =p

E unwanteds.. haha.. Interested anybody?

" Chik Chak " Candid camera )^^(

" Hmmm... " Wuts next?? Wher to go?? deep thoughtss **

Liang & me

Restless T.T
still a long day to go..

Mary Brown (chEeseE..)

mE myself in a fitting room xD

Me & FLy

dickson n kean
bRothers for life.. x)
Editted by me xd

my LIfe

2008-10-10T09:48:00.000-07:00

Everyone has a journey in life
No matter how deep the seas we dive
or how high the mountains we climb
No matter to what music we jive
or to what poems we rhyme

Life are full of crossroads
just like music notes
swinging by every song and lullaby
having us feeling to smile or to cry

Crossroads are so hard to decide
when we see the paths in front of us divide
Which path will I choose?
What will I lose?
What will I gain?
Will dere be pain?
Will dere be regrets?
What are the threats?
Will dere be bitterness?
Or will dere be sweetness?

Should we doubt our choice?
N have our heads be filled with noise?
Noises that disturbs our mind of peace
N have ourselves gaining the least

Or should we be firm with our stands?
N be straight with things no matter how it bends
Or stay strong with our feelings n desires
No matter how our stories cause us to tire

When we have mixed feelings about our options
Can ourselves still have the power to maintain our functions?
What should i do?
Which direction should i go to?
How should i feel?
A heart like shattered glass or as hard as steel?
Whom should I depend on?
Or should I have myself all torn?
Should i just give up the matter?
Or should I nourish fond hopes of becoming better?

However for one thing I am sure about
is that I should not have anymore doubts
No matter what tragedies or disaster may come into act

" We make choices in life and we never look back !!"